Matrescence
Since becoming a mother, have you felt different to your old self? Maybe a part of you misses or grieves your old life. Maybe a part of you is trying to figure out who this new version of you is, what you like, your interests, hobbies (if you get time for them). It can feel overwhelming, joyful, and overstimulating all at once.
There is a word for the transformation you are going through. It’s called matrescence. Just like adolescence describes the transition from child to adult, matrescence describes the transition from woman to a mother.
Matrescence was a term coined by Dana Raphael in 1973 to describe the transformational changes a woman goes through when she becomes a mother. Back then, the word still wasn’t very well known, until it was brought to mainstream awareness by Alexanda Sacks in 2017 in a TED talk conference.
Recently, the word matrescence has shown up a lot on social media and is (thankfully) being spoken about more and more.
So what actually is matrescence?
Lets start with what actually happens to us when we go through matrescence.
Research shows that pregnancy and early motherhood reshape the brain. Yep.. our brain literally restructures itself! The brain adapts in postpartum, heightening emotional awareness, vigilance and attunement to your baby. This may mean that you feel more anxious, sensitive, reactive and protective. This is not a weakness but a neurobiological adaptation designed to keep your baby safe.
At the same time, your hormones are all over the place, sleep deprivation kicks in, relationships start to change and suddenly.. your identity begins to shift.
You may grieve parts of your old self or miss your old life. You may feel disconnected from your relationships and who you used to be. You may feel disconnected to your baby. You may question your ability as a mother. You may feel guilt for having all of these feelings in the first place.
All of this is part of matrescence.
And something that is rarely spoken about is the complete conflict of feelings that you can feel as a mother. You can deeply love your baby and simultaneously struggle with becoming a mother. Those two truths can coexist.
Unlike postpartum, which is often talked about as a limited period of time, matrescence continues to evolve throughout motherhood. As your children grow and your role changes, new stages of adjustment and identity development often emerge.
Matrescence is not linear, it is complex and ongoing. It is not something to fix as it is not a problem to solve. It is holding onto who you were before you became a mother, while making space for who you are becoming.
While matrescence can be one of the most challenging transitions we experience, it is also one of the most transformative. As we move through the uncertainty, grief, joy, and change, we begin to discover a version of ourselves that is more resilient, compassionate, and deeply connected to what truly matters. There is no "right" way to navigate matrescence, only your way. It’s giving yourself permission to grow into motherhood rather than expecting yourself to have it all figured out from the start.